Al Potter

God, this is such a lame song from my parents' generation. But I'm in the mood for old Muggle songs now. Score would laugh himself silly :-/

If only he knows...

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only gay boy in Hogwarts. (Which can't be true, according to statistics, but...)

For selfish and convoluted reasons, I wish there's blatant discrimination here like in the Muggle world. Then I'll have something to react against. But here, it's as if being gay is the same thing as hunting for nargles, or wearing seven layers of socks on each feet, or...something.

It's like this great invisible thing that everyone knows but just pretends that it doesn't exist, or that it doesn't matter.

And I wouldn't care about all this if only I have Score. Well, I do have Score, but I don't have him have him.

( Stupid song lyrics :-( )

...because Score won't find me here.

I just need a breather from time to time, you know? And not worry about how he will interpret my words.

The stupid fool somehow thinks that I want a girlfriend. Sometimes, he's so clueless I want to cry.

I just...I'm his best friend, and I know that he doesn't think of girls that way (or boys), so in a way that's a great relief.

Sometimes, though, I wonder--is it really Jade that's the problem here? That's what I've always thought before. But maybe--maybe I'm just too convenient for him. I've always been there for him when he needs a friend, brother, partner-in-crime, co-conspirator, Potions partner, dueling practice partner...

Is he so content with my company that it just doesn't occur to him to be interested in people in that way?

Whether this is true or not, I know that I _can't_ be anything less to him. I can't scoot away when he wants a hug, or a pat in the back, or a hundred different human touches that he just needs. I'm glad he comes to me for those touches, I really am. It's just--

I'm in love with my best friend and I'm fucked.